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Wow. 40 weeks. We made it! What a ride this has been. There were many times I was uncertain that we would make it to this day (this year has been anything but easy). But here we are… you have been such a light at the end of this tunnel. I can feel you moving in my belly as I’m typing this letter and my mama heart can’t help but burst with happiness. You have been prayed over and loved since day one. Our heavenly Father was orchestrating each day of this pregnancy to perfection. Despite my fear and anxiety at times, He kept reminding me that you are His child FIRST and foremost and that you are loved by Him more than I ever could.

After having the miscarriages, it was hard for me to accept the fact that you were here to stay and that your daddy and I would one day get to meet you. But each week, each day, each moment, the Lord graciously reminded me that you were growing just as you should. The first 14 weeks, He gave me the gift of being nauseous DAY IN and DAY OUT. Although this was mentally and physically exhausting, I thanked Jesus every day for allowing me to be sick. It was a daily reminder that you were healthy and growing stronger by the minute.

When I felt you move for the first time (at 17 weeks to be exact), my love for you grew EXPONENTIALLY. Even though I had loved you from the moment I saw that positive pregnancy test on November 15th, feeling your little jabs and flutters moved me in ways that I never felt possible. How could I love a little human so much already without every meeting him?

In March, at around 23 weeks, a virus called Covid-19 rocked our world. Normal, as we knew it, was no more. Restaurants, shops, and schools were all shut down. Fear spread like wildfire throughout the world and words such as “quarantine”, “social distancing” and “face masks” were becoming a part of our everyday vocabulary. Hand sanitizer and paper products were nearly impossible to find. Hand shaking and hugs were no more. The world felt as if it were shutting down completely. All I wanted to do was protect you; it was so scary being pregnant with so many unknowns and what ifs. But your dad and I held onto the belief that you were placed in my belly during this time for a reason.

The Author of Life was not surprised by this virus and had all the details of your life already written.

Then on May 25, the killing of a black man, named George Floyd, by a white police officer sent our country into uproar. The world watched on video as a man, filled with hate, killed another man due to the color of his skin. Riots and protests began. Families were divided. Innocent citizens and police officers killed. It felt like the only news was BAD and my heart was broken. Your dad and I had hours of conversations about race and how we wanted to raise you. We knew that you would never know what it feels like to be discriminated against due to your skin color, but we wanted you to know and be aware of the severity of it and to never stop fighting for racial equality. Our prayer is that you will be able to acknowledge the struggles of others and always seek to love on people regardless of their background, skin color, or differences. The Lord loves us all the same and so should we.

Today is July 22nd. The issues above are far from being resolved and I don’t expect them to be any time soon, but we get to meet you…so soon. You have overcome so much, little buddy, in such a short amount of time already.

God has draped you in His glory, protecting you each step of the way. You are STRONG. You are ABLE. You are DESTINED FOR GREATNESS.

Never forget that you were placed on this Earth to bring glory to the King of the Universe. And the Lord chose this time for you.

Your dad and I have so many emotions… excitement, anxiousness, wonder. What color hair will you have? Will you have daddy’s nose or mommy’s chin? What is it going to feel like when you lay on our chests for the first time? For 40 weeks, we have dreamed of what you will look, feel, & smell like. It feels unbelievably surreal that we are so close to meeting you.

We love you so much and are ready whenever you are.

Love always,

Your Mommy

Thankfulness. What a bizarre word to use in the strangest time I have ever lived through. It feels almost inconsiderate to talk about being thankful when there is such REAL pain, devastation, and fear present in the world right now. People losing their loved ones, jobs, future plans, and so much more…

Fear/anxiety can be absolutely debilitating. One second, everything feels fine. And the next, you swear someone just laid a ton of bricks on your chest and the WHAT IFS start making their way in. And the slippery slope of fear can easily take over. But it doesn’t have to.

It is argued that the Bible discusses the topic of “not being fearful” up to 365 times throughout the Old and New Testament. Whether this is true or not (I have not, myself, gone through and counted), it is EVIDENT that our God knew we were a fearful people. He understood then and understands now that our little human brains are not capable of knowing and comprehending His plans and therefore tend to worry about what the future may hold. His “do not fear” commands are not out of anger; they’re out of love. I like to picture our Father scooping us up in His arms holding us close and whispering to his children that “He’s got us.” He is not surprised by the events of the world. He is not scared or doubting his Sovereignty. So why should we?

But how do we fight the fear when there is such uncertainty? There is no doubt that the events of today are cause for concern and require our attention to some degree. The only thing I have found to be beneficial in warding off those anxiety-bullets is to preach to myself of all the things I have to be thankful for. These blessings to be thankful for will vary among us, but regardless, they are there. Our God is present and is still working things for our good, even when it’s hard to see. As I’m sitting here typing, I’m thankful for: WAKING UP, my vanilla-flavored coffee sitting beside me, feeling the warm sun on my face, the health of my loved ones, the ability to work, and feeling my little baby boy kicking inside my belly.

Let us be a people like Paul and Silas. Not even prison could stop them from praising the Father that has the whole world in His all-powerful hands. If their praises can cause the prison walls to fall down, think of what our praise can do!!! (Acts 16:22-28)

What are you thankful for today?

Kind Words.

To my baby boy on his due date, in the year 2020:

A Thankful Heart.